Bang Bang Eche

Bang Bang Eche are from New Zealand, the home of seven legged lambs, homemade jetpacks and some of the craziest, cruellest, funniest parents to ever work out what exactly people mean when they say “when a man and a woman love each other very much they have a special cuddle and that’s how babies are made”.

In April this year a NZ couple, Pat and Sheena Wheaton, were told by a court that there was no way they would be allowed to call their son ‘4real’. After taking a moment to consider their options, they decided on a new moniker: ‘Superman’. Magnificent work.

It turns out this is hardly the first time something like this has happened in Australia’s afterbirth. Kiwi officials have banned moronic parents from calling children Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit, Fat Boy, Cinderella Beauty Blossom, and Fish and Chips (twins).

Don’t worry though, Violence, Number 16 Bus Shelter, Midnight Chardonnay, and Benson and Hedges (twins) all got past the courts and are currently being bullied in New Zealand primary schools.

Bang Bang Eche come off very poorly by comparison. They are T'Nealle Worsley (Bass / Guitar / Synth), Charlie Ryder (Guitar / Synth), James Sullivan (Drums), Josh Burgess (Synth / Guitar / Bass) and Zach Doney (Vocals).

Apparently ‘Eche’ is a Maori word meaning something along the lines of ‘awesome partytimes’. Their self titled EP (nab it for free from myspace.com/bangbangeche) has been described by the band as “a five-track foray into the 'Land Before Time', but in this case the dinosaurs play sixteenths while the T-Rexes bust rhymes.”

Basically, they make nice, chuggy, dancey sounding guitar music. The sort of thing you get from guys like Does It Offend You Yeah, Shitdisco and maybe Hadouken (but without the crappy attempts at metal).

Currently the band are on tour in Germany, something I asked Zach about.

“The tour has been really great! The best place in Germany is Neumarkt in Bavaria. We played at this bar called Twister. Have you ever been in the ocean? Imagine if you were in the ocean with the swirling kelp and the little sea critters but then the water was screaming Germans and the sea critters were bottles of beer that kept upending themselves on the crowd. After the show they chased the van down the road.”

Now apparently T’Nealle Worsley was headhunted for the band as a direct result of her notoriety in underground fighting circles. Rumour has it that after most shows she will disappear into the night, only to return a few hours later wearing one of those huge gold belts wrestlers win. Also, I heard she has eight pairs of grills that all say “CRUNQ”.

Obviously, I was equally fascinated and terrified by this formidable example of womanhood, and needed to know more. Apparently she could easily beat up Madonna, Barack Obama (“She wouldn't, though, because she considers herself too underground to do celebrity matches”) but not a T-Rex (“T'Nealle couldn't beat up a dinosaur. Those things are really big”).

Jack Bauer caused a bit of confusion: “I don't know who Jack Bauer is. Ok. I just wikipedia'd him. Apparently he is the guy from 24. I have never seen 24 but I assume it is one of those modelling programmes like that one that Tyra Banks is the MC of. So... I guess if Tyra Banks could beat up Mr. Bauer then T'Nealle could beat him up too.”

I asked Zach some other stuff too, just trying to sort out some of the big issues of our time.

Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?

“When I was younger I did heaps and heaps of swimming. I trained eight times a week or something. Now it seems really stupid that I spent heaps and heaps of time in a tepid pool of sweat looking at a black line for 3 hours a day. Anyway, I quit that when my coach said to my parents: "Zach is one of the most dedicated people I have ever met. He puts in the time, he puts in the effort. Really the only thing that I could ever ask from him is that he was one or two feet taller." That was when I quit but I think this is the answer to your question. A shark is much bigger than a boy no matter how many hours a week a boy spends in the swimming pool.”

Why is there something rather than nothing? (I have to write an essay about this)

“What kind of course do you take? Man, if my lecturer was all, "Why is there something rather than nothing?" I would probably walk to this dude called Patrick Evans who is HOD of Arts where I (used) to go to Uni and start ranting about how stupid it is that the people outside are ripping up the grass and trees so they can plant trees and grass. Is it Philosophy 107? Psychology 209?” (It’s a philosophy course)

Why do people care about Paris Hilton?

“I don't.”

What is the best thing ever? (I think maybe cake)

“The best thing ever is when you are reading a book that makes you feel like life is a lamer place than the book makes it out to be. This is a good thing because you feel that art is greater than life. A modernist would be proud.”

What's the point?

“This is not even a question.”