More brains, Mr Collins?

The next big thing in Hollywood looks likely to be "monster-lit", a cinematic mash-up of classic literature and horror. After a bidding war between studios the rights to a new parody book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, were sold. The rumour is that Richard Kelly (writer/director of Donnie Darko) will direct and Natalie Portman has signed up to play Elizabeth Bennet, a zombie killer trained alongside her sisters in Shaolin, China, before returning to her countryside estate. Early in the story Lizzie overhears the arrogant Mr Darcy describing her looks as 'tolerable'. Slighted, she must defend her honour by slitting his throat, but before she is able to a swarm of zombies invade and the Bennet girls must fight them off.

Other monster-lit titles are planned, including alternate versions of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre and George Eliot’s The Mill on the Floss, where the voluminous petticoats and gentle chamber music of the originals will be matched by copious amounts of gore and blood-curdling screams.

Inspired by monster-lit and also by Howard McCain's recent film Outlander (essentially Vikings v space monsters) we decided to create a few more film mash-ups to try and predict the next big thing before it has even begun.

A Spoonful Of Lava
The Banks family's new nanny floats down from the sky and sets about teaching the children how to live a joyful life. After an enjoyable day spent in an animated world full of dancing penguins, flying kites and staircases made of clouds the group return home to find that a previously undetected volcano has erupted, destroying London and killing everybody they love. Contains the classic song 'SupercalifragilisticexpialidOH SHIT!'

He Met Her By A Corpse
In the wake of the seventh grisly killing by the Overkill killer, Archie Townsend of the FBI and Tania Hill of the CIA are forced together to work on the case. After initially disliking one another, the two get closer and closer as they find they have more in common than they first thought. As the body count keeps rising, will the pair be able to stop the killer before he carries out his most brutal threat to date, and will Archie be able to get over his stubbornness and commit To Tania before it's too late?

Pimp My Carriage
The year, 1588, the place, London. As the threat posed by the Spanish Armada looms, William Gilray (Vin Diesel) looks to make a name for himself on the illegal street racing circuit. After beating Colonel Alfred Plunderson in an epic race that took the competitors across three counties, Gilray is starting to earn some respect from the other racers. He has to avoid being put in the stocks and contend with Baron John Smertin, the father of his intended bride, challenging him to a duel. How will he cope when his beloved racing horse Catriona is killed the day before the biggest race of the year?

I Want To Sing A Song
Two strangers wake up on opposite sides of a deserted warehouse room. Each is chained by their ankle to a pipe and they have a hacksaw and a tape. When they play the tape music starts and suddenly the room is filled with creepy dancing puppets singing 'We kidnapped your daughter and your wife, they're being held by a nutter with a knife, if you don't kill each other, it is them who will suffer, and you'll have no more family in your life'. This musical psychological thriller will have you singing along from the edge of your seat.

Bark Hard
When terrorists capture an office building on Christmas Eve, it is up to New York cop John McClane and his wisecracking Jack Russell terrier Demi to free the hostages and make sure everyone gets home safe for Christmas. There's vintage action as McClane battles the bad guys in his bare feet while his mischievous canine pal spouts witticisms about how dogs are too tough to wear shoes. You'll roar with laughter as cheeky Demi humps the leg of a terrorist, prompting him to chase her around the room and slip in a puddle of dog wee.

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