The End (2008)
Nicola Collins' over-long portrait of East End hard men, specifically her Dad and his mates, doesn't manage to shed any real light on its subject. At times it comes across as a constant stream of cliche- we are informed that gangsters like violence, weapons and their families but hate prison, paedos and people that tell on them.
The only genuinely surprising moment comes at around the hour mark when the documentary pulls a massive switcheroo and briefly morphs into a piece of evangelical Christian propaganda. Cue stirring, inspirational music, shots of ducks on a pond and images of hard guys looking wistful while describing how Jesus wants them for a sunbeam.
The Burial (2008)
A mother's last wish is that her body be taken from France to the river in England where her husband died, and so her three estranged sons set off together in a hearse with the coffin loaded in the back.
Handled less skilfully the film could have been either an unimaginative madcap farce or a slushy emotional cheese fest. However, for the most part Boucher and Mills' direction manages to tread a fine line between comedy and tragedy, providing humour without stupidity and emotion without overt manipulation.
Jasmine Women (2004)
Hou Yong's visually striking film tells the generation-spanning story of three women in the same family who seem destined to keep making the same mistakes. Zhang Ziyi, best known for her work on Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, House Of Flying Daggers and Memoirs of a Geisha, is impressive as the young female protagonist of three separate stories set in China in the 1930s, 50s and 80s. Early scenes set in pre-war Shanghai are particularly worthy of mention for their stunning cinematography.
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
More brains, Mr Collins?
The next big thing in Hollywood looks likely to be "monster-lit", a cinematic mash-up of classic literature and horror. After a bidding war between studios the rights to a new parody book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, were sold. The rumour is that Richard Kelly (writer/director of Donnie Darko) will direct and Natalie Portman has signed up to play Elizabeth Bennet, a zombie killer trained alongside her sisters in Shaolin, China, before returning to her countryside estate. Early in the story Lizzie overhears the arrogant Mr Darcy describing her looks as 'tolerable'. Slighted, she must defend her honour by slitting his throat, but before she is able to a swarm of zombies invade and the Bennet girls must fight them off.
Other monster-lit titles are planned, including alternate versions of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre and George Eliot’s The Mill on the Floss, where the voluminous petticoats and gentle chamber music of the originals will be matched by copious amounts of gore and blood-curdling screams.
Inspired by monster-lit and also by Howard McCain's recent film Outlander (essentially Vikings v space monsters) we decided to create a few more film mash-ups to try and predict the next big thing before it has even begun.
A Spoonful Of Lava
The Banks family's new nanny floats down from the sky and sets about teaching the children how to live a joyful life. After an enjoyable day spent in an animated world full of dancing penguins, flying kites and staircases made of clouds the group return home to find that a previously undetected volcano has erupted, destroying London and killing everybody they love. Contains the classic song 'SupercalifragilisticexpialidOH SHIT!'
He Met Her By A Corpse
In the wake of the seventh grisly killing by the Overkill killer, Archie Townsend of the FBI and Tania Hill of the CIA are forced together to work on the case. After initially disliking one another, the two get closer and closer as they find they have more in common than they first thought. As the body count keeps rising, will the pair be able to stop the killer before he carries out his most brutal threat to date, and will Archie be able to get over his stubbornness and commit To Tania before it's too late?
Pimp My Carriage
The year, 1588, the place, London. As the threat posed by the Spanish Armada looms, William Gilray (Vin Diesel) looks to make a name for himself on the illegal street racing circuit. After beating Colonel Alfred Plunderson in an epic race that took the competitors across three counties, Gilray is starting to earn some respect from the other racers. He has to avoid being put in the stocks and contend with Baron John Smertin, the father of his intended bride, challenging him to a duel. How will he cope when his beloved racing horse Catriona is killed the day before the biggest race of the year?
I Want To Sing A Song
Two strangers wake up on opposite sides of a deserted warehouse room. Each is chained by their ankle to a pipe and they have a hacksaw and a tape. When they play the tape music starts and suddenly the room is filled with creepy dancing puppets singing 'We kidnapped your daughter and your wife, they're being held by a nutter with a knife, if you don't kill each other, it is them who will suffer, and you'll have no more family in your life'. This musical psychological thriller will have you singing along from the edge of your seat.
Bark Hard
When terrorists capture an office building on Christmas Eve, it is up to New York cop John McClane and his wisecracking Jack Russell terrier Demi to free the hostages and make sure everyone gets home safe for Christmas. There's vintage action as McClane battles the bad guys in his bare feet while his mischievous canine pal spouts witticisms about how dogs are too tough to wear shoes. You'll roar with laughter as cheeky Demi humps the leg of a terrorist, prompting him to chase her around the room and slip in a puddle of dog wee.
Other monster-lit titles are planned, including alternate versions of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre and George Eliot’s The Mill on the Floss, where the voluminous petticoats and gentle chamber music of the originals will be matched by copious amounts of gore and blood-curdling screams.
Inspired by monster-lit and also by Howard McCain's recent film Outlander (essentially Vikings v space monsters) we decided to create a few more film mash-ups to try and predict the next big thing before it has even begun.
A Spoonful Of Lava
The Banks family's new nanny floats down from the sky and sets about teaching the children how to live a joyful life. After an enjoyable day spent in an animated world full of dancing penguins, flying kites and staircases made of clouds the group return home to find that a previously undetected volcano has erupted, destroying London and killing everybody they love. Contains the classic song 'SupercalifragilisticexpialidOH SHIT!'
He Met Her By A Corpse
In the wake of the seventh grisly killing by the Overkill killer, Archie Townsend of the FBI and Tania Hill of the CIA are forced together to work on the case. After initially disliking one another, the two get closer and closer as they find they have more in common than they first thought. As the body count keeps rising, will the pair be able to stop the killer before he carries out his most brutal threat to date, and will Archie be able to get over his stubbornness and commit To Tania before it's too late?
Pimp My Carriage
The year, 1588, the place, London. As the threat posed by the Spanish Armada looms, William Gilray (Vin Diesel) looks to make a name for himself on the illegal street racing circuit. After beating Colonel Alfred Plunderson in an epic race that took the competitors across three counties, Gilray is starting to earn some respect from the other racers. He has to avoid being put in the stocks and contend with Baron John Smertin, the father of his intended bride, challenging him to a duel. How will he cope when his beloved racing horse Catriona is killed the day before the biggest race of the year?
I Want To Sing A Song
Two strangers wake up on opposite sides of a deserted warehouse room. Each is chained by their ankle to a pipe and they have a hacksaw and a tape. When they play the tape music starts and suddenly the room is filled with creepy dancing puppets singing 'We kidnapped your daughter and your wife, they're being held by a nutter with a knife, if you don't kill each other, it is them who will suffer, and you'll have no more family in your life'. This musical psychological thriller will have you singing along from the edge of your seat.
Bark Hard
When terrorists capture an office building on Christmas Eve, it is up to New York cop John McClane and his wisecracking Jack Russell terrier Demi to free the hostages and make sure everyone gets home safe for Christmas. There's vintage action as McClane battles the bad guys in his bare feet while his mischievous canine pal spouts witticisms about how dogs are too tough to wear shoes. You'll roar with laughter as cheeky Demi humps the leg of a terrorist, prompting him to chase her around the room and slip in a puddle of dog wee.
Outlander
2008. Cert 15. 115mins. Dir: Howard McCain. Cast: Jim Caviezel, Ron Pearlman, John Hurt, Sophia Myles
2 stars
I expect that at some point in your life you will have had one of those vintage hypothetical conversations about who would beat who in a fight. You know the sort of thing, James Bond v Jack Bauer, a lion v a gorilla, Ashley Cole v Dame Thora Hird, and so on. In Outlander Howard McCain has set out to answer one such question. His chosen battle? Who would win in a fight between some Vikings and an alien monster?
Kainan (Jim Caviezel aka Jesus from The Passion Of The Christ) crashes his spaceship into Norway circa 709 AD. A handy gadget blasts his brain full of the Old Norse language, he swears, vomits and before too long is captured by a posse of Vikings lead by Wulfric (Jack Huston). Cue monster.
Our monster is called a Moorwen and it managed to stow away on Kainan's ship and follow him to earth. On arrival it quickly sets about trying to kill everybody in sight and so two Viking tribes unite with their new space buddy to try and kill the beastie before it destroys everything.
Ron Pearlman, best known for his work on Hellboy, leads one of the tribes. So you've got Jesus, Hellboy and their Viking mates teaming up to fight a big cool monster. There's also John Hurt, lending a touch of gravitas to proceedings and cementing his reputation as the poor man's Sir Ian McKellan. So what's not to like?
Two things in particular. Firstly, the story and characters go way beyond cliché. You've got the wise old king, the rash young warrior, the feisty girl, the brave and noble hero with the tragic past and a drunk Scottish guy. Guess who gets the girl? Secondly, there's the monster itself. For some inexplicable reason the designers came up with the insane idea to light the thing up like a dodgy wedding disco. It's all flashing red and blue LEDs and neon green blood. Very strange.
If the thought of some Vikings fighting a monster from space fills you with child-like glee then this is the film for you. If not, it's probably best avoided.
2 stars
I expect that at some point in your life you will have had one of those vintage hypothetical conversations about who would beat who in a fight. You know the sort of thing, James Bond v Jack Bauer, a lion v a gorilla, Ashley Cole v Dame Thora Hird, and so on. In Outlander Howard McCain has set out to answer one such question. His chosen battle? Who would win in a fight between some Vikings and an alien monster?
Kainan (Jim Caviezel aka Jesus from The Passion Of The Christ) crashes his spaceship into Norway circa 709 AD. A handy gadget blasts his brain full of the Old Norse language, he swears, vomits and before too long is captured by a posse of Vikings lead by Wulfric (Jack Huston). Cue monster.
Our monster is called a Moorwen and it managed to stow away on Kainan's ship and follow him to earth. On arrival it quickly sets about trying to kill everybody in sight and so two Viking tribes unite with their new space buddy to try and kill the beastie before it destroys everything.
Ron Pearlman, best known for his work on Hellboy, leads one of the tribes. So you've got Jesus, Hellboy and their Viking mates teaming up to fight a big cool monster. There's also John Hurt, lending a touch of gravitas to proceedings and cementing his reputation as the poor man's Sir Ian McKellan. So what's not to like?
Two things in particular. Firstly, the story and characters go way beyond cliché. You've got the wise old king, the rash young warrior, the feisty girl, the brave and noble hero with the tragic past and a drunk Scottish guy. Guess who gets the girl? Secondly, there's the monster itself. For some inexplicable reason the designers came up with the insane idea to light the thing up like a dodgy wedding disco. It's all flashing red and blue LEDs and neon green blood. Very strange.
If the thought of some Vikings fighting a monster from space fills you with child-like glee then this is the film for you. If not, it's probably best avoided.
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