Dubstep will probably get spoiled this year. At some point in the tragically near future some arsehole with gelled hair and a mate at a record label will produce some cheesy, watered-down dubstep-lite tune with a token female vocal or 'urban' rap on it that will smash its way to the top of the charts. In the industry it's called the Fedde Le Grand method. It's been brewing for a while, just listen to the wobbly bassline on 'Freakshow' by Britney Spears from Blackout (the album she released while she was still shaving babies and dangling her vagina over balconies).
So enjoy dubstep while you can, before it becomes 2009's funky house. One of the best places in the whole world to do this is in Petrcane, Croatia this summer, where Leeds scene veterans Subdub, Exodus, Vagabondz and their kooky cavalcade of freaks and geeks will be setting up a big top full of low frequency tomfoolery and christening the whole mess 'Outlook'.
There'll be Captain Eddie's boat parties, live illustration, guaranteed sunshine and a line up that'll definitely put a smile on your pretty little face. Confirmed acts so far include Rusko, Digital Mystikz, Jehst and Iration Steppas.
On Saturday 18th April they're having a bit of a launch party to get you into the swing of things. Shy Fx, Mungo's Hifi, Plastician, Joker, Ramadanman, Ruckspin, Tomb Crew and many more will be shaking the Coronet to its foundations and, as a tasty bonus, 20 free tickets to the festival itself will be given out.
In the immortal words of Tim Westwood: 'Bang! and the dirt is gone'.
Showing posts with label Preview. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Preview. Show all posts
Preview – Soundwave festival
The world of mainstream rap is a tragic one. Becunted oafs like Kanye West and 50 Cent march around yammering on about girls 'n' guns over tedious, soulless beats. And don't even get me started on this fucking ridiculous auto-tune craze. You know how stupid Kriss Kross seem now? (They wore their clothes backwards.) In ten years time that's how people will think of T Pain.
Luckily, if you look a bit deeper there's a lot of really good stuff going on in hip hop. Q Tip (from A Tribe Called Quest) brought out The Renaissance, one of the best albums of last year, MF Doom is back with Born Into This and a new Dre album is on the way.
New Bohemia, Leeds' finest promoters of hip hop etc, have had a hell of a year. They've been celebrating their fifth birthday in style with line ups including The Herbaliser, Bonobo, Mr Scruff, Flying Lotus, Horace Andy and the actual Wailers, as in Bob Marley and the… Pretty impressive. Now they're putting on the Soundwave festival in Petrcane, Croatia.
Soundwave is a three day shindig full of hippety hoppity goodness taking place from the 17th – 20th of July on the Adriatic Coast. The festival site has an outdoor amphitheatre for live acts, a beachside terrace, a nightclub and a party boat for maritime shenanigans. They've got a Funktion One Soundsystem (which everyone goes on about as if it's the answer to something) and a pretty stonking line up prepared. Highlights include:
DJ Yoda
Fire up good old Youtube and search for 'Wearing My Rolex Mills McCartney' to get an idea of the sort of inspired silliness Yoda brings to his Magic Cinema Show. Interestingly, he isn't named after Yoda from Star Wars. He actually he takes his name from Jeff Yoda, the man who invented chair legs.
Alice Russell
Her recent album is the really rather good Pot Of Gold and she lent her voice to Mr Scruff for Music Takes Me Up, the big tune from Ninja Tuna. Alice is a keen fan of vintage pencil cases and spends most of her weekends at various collectors' fairs around the Tenby area.
Hexstatic
The Ninja Tune duo are putting on an AV bonanza. Their rider demands include a selection of dressing up costumes and one of each flavour of Pot Noodle.
DJ Format
I love this guy. The ex Jurassic 5 roadie's first album Music for the Mature B-Boy is a classic. Have a listen to his Fabriclive mix to get a good idea of the sort of hip hop, funk and soul he plays out. Format stunned his fans recently by signing a four-year contract to be the face of Tena Lady.
Tom Middleton
Thomas Middleton (baptized April 18, 1580, died 1627) was a playwright and poet. His best-known plays are the tragedies The Changeling and the cynically satirical city comedy A Chaste Maid in Cheapside. It is also widely believed that he collaborated with Shakespeare on various scenes in Macbeth.
Flying Lotus
The LA based beat fiend hasn't been confirmed yet, but rest assured the Soundwave team are trying their very hardest to get him. Fun fact: His name is inspired by the Back to the Future film series. After seeing Doc Brown's time-travelling Delorean, he decided he'd rather have a flying Lotus.
Bonobo
Is currently working on a collaboration with the Jonas Brothers, tentatively entitled BonoboJoBro.
Rustie
The Glaswegian munchkin is one of the most hotly tipped new producers at the moment, check his remix of Zomby's Spliff Dub for further evidence. He said in a recent interview that he didn't think the internet 'would catch on as a concept'.
DJ Vadim
Vadim is a youthful looking fellow, and he actually got to the last five in the auditions to play Harry Potter in the film series.
Kidkanevil
Like his father, Evel, KidK is allergic to that silver stuff you scratch off on instant win lottery tickets.
This is a mere taste of the full line up, which is set to include The Bays, Daedalus, Trojan Sound System, Lizzie Parks, Natural Self, Jon Kennedy, DJ Cheeba and loads more. Be there or be somewhere else.
Luckily, if you look a bit deeper there's a lot of really good stuff going on in hip hop. Q Tip (from A Tribe Called Quest) brought out The Renaissance, one of the best albums of last year, MF Doom is back with Born Into This and a new Dre album is on the way.
New Bohemia, Leeds' finest promoters of hip hop etc, have had a hell of a year. They've been celebrating their fifth birthday in style with line ups including The Herbaliser, Bonobo, Mr Scruff, Flying Lotus, Horace Andy and the actual Wailers, as in Bob Marley and the… Pretty impressive. Now they're putting on the Soundwave festival in Petrcane, Croatia.
Soundwave is a three day shindig full of hippety hoppity goodness taking place from the 17th – 20th of July on the Adriatic Coast. The festival site has an outdoor amphitheatre for live acts, a beachside terrace, a nightclub and a party boat for maritime shenanigans. They've got a Funktion One Soundsystem (which everyone goes on about as if it's the answer to something) and a pretty stonking line up prepared. Highlights include:
DJ Yoda
Fire up good old Youtube and search for 'Wearing My Rolex Mills McCartney' to get an idea of the sort of inspired silliness Yoda brings to his Magic Cinema Show. Interestingly, he isn't named after Yoda from Star Wars. He actually he takes his name from Jeff Yoda, the man who invented chair legs.
Alice Russell
Her recent album is the really rather good Pot Of Gold and she lent her voice to Mr Scruff for Music Takes Me Up, the big tune from Ninja Tuna. Alice is a keen fan of vintage pencil cases and spends most of her weekends at various collectors' fairs around the Tenby area.
Hexstatic
The Ninja Tune duo are putting on an AV bonanza. Their rider demands include a selection of dressing up costumes and one of each flavour of Pot Noodle.
DJ Format
I love this guy. The ex Jurassic 5 roadie's first album Music for the Mature B-Boy is a classic. Have a listen to his Fabriclive mix to get a good idea of the sort of hip hop, funk and soul he plays out. Format stunned his fans recently by signing a four-year contract to be the face of Tena Lady.
Tom Middleton
Thomas Middleton (baptized April 18, 1580, died 1627) was a playwright and poet. His best-known plays are the tragedies The Changeling and the cynically satirical city comedy A Chaste Maid in Cheapside. It is also widely believed that he collaborated with Shakespeare on various scenes in Macbeth.
Flying Lotus
The LA based beat fiend hasn't been confirmed yet, but rest assured the Soundwave team are trying their very hardest to get him. Fun fact: His name is inspired by the Back to the Future film series. After seeing Doc Brown's time-travelling Delorean, he decided he'd rather have a flying Lotus.
Bonobo
Is currently working on a collaboration with the Jonas Brothers, tentatively entitled BonoboJoBro.
Rustie
The Glaswegian munchkin is one of the most hotly tipped new producers at the moment, check his remix of Zomby's Spliff Dub for further evidence. He said in a recent interview that he didn't think the internet 'would catch on as a concept'.
DJ Vadim
Vadim is a youthful looking fellow, and he actually got to the last five in the auditions to play Harry Potter in the film series.
Kidkanevil
Like his father, Evel, KidK is allergic to that silver stuff you scratch off on instant win lottery tickets.
This is a mere taste of the full line up, which is set to include The Bays, Daedalus, Trojan Sound System, Lizzie Parks, Natural Self, Jon Kennedy, DJ Cheeba and loads more. Be there or be somewhere else.
Madame Pamita's Parlour of Wonders
Tuesday May 19th, The Cricketer's Arms, Keighley
Recently we were sent a copy of Wax Works, a new album by Madame Pamita, the singer, musician and fortune teller. The beautiful package contained a copy of the album, a paper fortune teller, a tarot card (the seven of cups), a small, wax-sealed envelope containing a lucky penny and our handwritten fortune ('Many choices lie before you. Do not be hasty. Gather information before making your decision').
The album was recorded on wax cylinder equipment from 1898 using a recording horn once owned by Thomas Edison and no changes were made to the finished pieces. The result is a sometimes haunting, sometimes warm, but always original sound complete with plentiful portions of crackle.
While the music is great, it is completely overshadowed by the truly inspired liner notes, where Madame P gives a short synopsis of the plot of each song. For example, Willie The Chimney Sweeper (an alternate version of Cab Callaway's Minnie The Moocher) is described as follows: "Enticed into a shop of dubious repute, our heroine embarks on adventures therein". Her track Do Whatever You Please is "A minute digression of great import directing the reader to the secret font of unfettered happiness".
Madame Pamita is bringing her Parlor of Wonders show to The Cricketer's Arms, Keighley, on May 19th. She promises "the most tantalizing, most mesmerizing, most edifying experience of augury and prognostication the world has ever known". Sounds good, right?
During the show she invites audience members up to the stage for a tarot reading then sings a song relating to the meaning of the card. As well as her trusty ukulele she uses an array of vintage instruments including an Imperial banjeaurine, a banjolele, a ukelin, a Marxophone, a Polka-Lay-Lee, and a Tiple.
As the lady herself eloquently says, "Step right up, ladies and gents, and be prepared to be dumbfounded and delighted by Madame Pamita's prodigious powers of prognostication and melodic merriment!"
Recently we were sent a copy of Wax Works, a new album by Madame Pamita, the singer, musician and fortune teller. The beautiful package contained a copy of the album, a paper fortune teller, a tarot card (the seven of cups), a small, wax-sealed envelope containing a lucky penny and our handwritten fortune ('Many choices lie before you. Do not be hasty. Gather information before making your decision').
The album was recorded on wax cylinder equipment from 1898 using a recording horn once owned by Thomas Edison and no changes were made to the finished pieces. The result is a sometimes haunting, sometimes warm, but always original sound complete with plentiful portions of crackle.
While the music is great, it is completely overshadowed by the truly inspired liner notes, where Madame P gives a short synopsis of the plot of each song. For example, Willie The Chimney Sweeper (an alternate version of Cab Callaway's Minnie The Moocher) is described as follows: "Enticed into a shop of dubious repute, our heroine embarks on adventures therein". Her track Do Whatever You Please is "A minute digression of great import directing the reader to the secret font of unfettered happiness".
Madame Pamita is bringing her Parlor of Wonders show to The Cricketer's Arms, Keighley, on May 19th. She promises "the most tantalizing, most mesmerizing, most edifying experience of augury and prognostication the world has ever known". Sounds good, right?
During the show she invites audience members up to the stage for a tarot reading then sings a song relating to the meaning of the card. As well as her trusty ukulele she uses an array of vintage instruments including an Imperial banjeaurine, a banjolele, a ukelin, a Marxophone, a Polka-Lay-Lee, and a Tiple.
As the lady herself eloquently says, "Step right up, ladies and gents, and be prepared to be dumbfounded and delighted by Madame Pamita's prodigious powers of prognostication and melodic merriment!"
Mystic Brew 14/02/09
I did something very romantic once. I got amnesia and spent an evening denying that me and my girlfriend were together.
In my first year at Uni I went on the Leeds Snowriders trip to Val D’Isere. I had never snowboarded in my life before but my friend is a qualified snowboard teacher so he said he’d get me up to speed. Big mistake.
By ‘get me up to speed’ he meant show me what which end was which, and then take me with him and a group of other people he knew from his ski and snowboard instructors course.
At first it was fine, I got the hand of it pretty quickly and got to the bottom of my first red run in a couple of hours on the first day (despite a slightly hairy moment involving the edge of a cliff).
So I started getting a bit cocky and threw myself down everything in sight, taking a few nice chunky falls on the way. At one point I had a particularly surreal experience when I crashed into a midget.
Anyways, on day three I got down my first ever black run and I was quite proud of myself. Later that day I took one too many hits on the head and gave myself concussion and pretty serious amnesia. Despite the fact that I had been wearing a helmet the whole time.
For the rest of that day I had about a 20 second short term memory. I knew who I was and sort of had a vague idea of where we were but couldn’t remember much of anything that had happened in the last three weeks. I kept saying the same thing over and over as I forgot what I had just said. I also kept going on about the film ‘Memento’, which I’ve still never seen.
It was in these three weeks that my girlfriend and I had taken the plunge from being ‘just friends’ to the uncharted waters of ‘more than just friends’.
So in my damaged little mind we were still in the friend zone and I was pretty effusive to this effect, laughing in the face of anyone who told me things were otherwise.
As you can imagine the dear young lady in question was none to pleased to hear about this, especially as the tale was regaled to her thusly: “Jon got amnesia and forgot you were going out then he got off with a girl”. While the former claim may be true, the latter was nothing but calumny. Luckily she didn’t believe the cad who told her and all was well.
On Valentine’s Day it is important that you do not forget you have a girlfriend or she may well get a bit cross.
This is really weird, but Valentine’s Day was originally a celebration of chicken intercourse. Seriously. There was a conventional belief in England and France in the Middle Ages that on 14th February the birds began to pair off and mate. There’s a bit in Chaucer’s Parliament of Foules that says “For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne's day / Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate”. Humans noticed this trend and decided to make it their own. Very peculiar.
Valentine’s is a pretty grim night to be going out. Most venues put an awful lot of pressure on people either to really get into it or to very conspicuously ignore it. You have to pick between either embracing the day and being all keen about trying to have sex with someone or participating in a sulky ‘Anti-Valentine’ and trying to have sex with someone to show how little you care about having sex with people.
It’s usually pretty easy to avoid, just stay in, but this year it’s on a Saturday. And there’s no reason why some dead guy (actually there were three St Valentines, and all of them were martyrs) should spoil a perfectly good night out.
So avoid any of this silliness and go to the utterly indifferent party put on by Mystic Brew at the lovely Smokestack club.
There will be the usual concoction of quality resident DJs from Asylum and Hang The DJ, there will be cheap drinks and this month entry is only £4 before 11 and £5 after. As usual they will be welcoming a high calibre guest, and in February your designated driver will be James Holroyd.
James is a proper legend. In 1992 he became one of the original residents at Back to Basics and a year later he joined forces with the Jockey Slut Magazine team to create the legendary night Bugged Out!
As in Bugged Out!, the guys who put on parties in places like Milan, Japan and Matter in London, and put out those quality mixes by guys like Simian Mobile Disco, Erol Alkan and Klaxons. He’s still a resident at Bugged Out! nights in Manchester.
A few years later Holroyd’s DJ style impressed Tom and Ed from the Chemical Brothers so much that he became their tour DJ. He’s played across the world in countries as diverse as Croatia, China, Malaysia and Australia.
On the 14th he will be in Leeds and he’ll be digging deep in his record box to play a set of disco, funk and rare house. Should be a good one.
Happy Chicken Sex Day everybody xxxx
In my first year at Uni I went on the Leeds Snowriders trip to Val D’Isere. I had never snowboarded in my life before but my friend is a qualified snowboard teacher so he said he’d get me up to speed. Big mistake.
By ‘get me up to speed’ he meant show me what which end was which, and then take me with him and a group of other people he knew from his ski and snowboard instructors course.
At first it was fine, I got the hand of it pretty quickly and got to the bottom of my first red run in a couple of hours on the first day (despite a slightly hairy moment involving the edge of a cliff).
So I started getting a bit cocky and threw myself down everything in sight, taking a few nice chunky falls on the way. At one point I had a particularly surreal experience when I crashed into a midget.
Anyways, on day three I got down my first ever black run and I was quite proud of myself. Later that day I took one too many hits on the head and gave myself concussion and pretty serious amnesia. Despite the fact that I had been wearing a helmet the whole time.
For the rest of that day I had about a 20 second short term memory. I knew who I was and sort of had a vague idea of where we were but couldn’t remember much of anything that had happened in the last three weeks. I kept saying the same thing over and over as I forgot what I had just said. I also kept going on about the film ‘Memento’, which I’ve still never seen.
It was in these three weeks that my girlfriend and I had taken the plunge from being ‘just friends’ to the uncharted waters of ‘more than just friends’.
So in my damaged little mind we were still in the friend zone and I was pretty effusive to this effect, laughing in the face of anyone who told me things were otherwise.
As you can imagine the dear young lady in question was none to pleased to hear about this, especially as the tale was regaled to her thusly: “Jon got amnesia and forgot you were going out then he got off with a girl”. While the former claim may be true, the latter was nothing but calumny. Luckily she didn’t believe the cad who told her and all was well.
On Valentine’s Day it is important that you do not forget you have a girlfriend or she may well get a bit cross.
This is really weird, but Valentine’s Day was originally a celebration of chicken intercourse. Seriously. There was a conventional belief in England and France in the Middle Ages that on 14th February the birds began to pair off and mate. There’s a bit in Chaucer’s Parliament of Foules that says “For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne's day / Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate”. Humans noticed this trend and decided to make it their own. Very peculiar.
Valentine’s is a pretty grim night to be going out. Most venues put an awful lot of pressure on people either to really get into it or to very conspicuously ignore it. You have to pick between either embracing the day and being all keen about trying to have sex with someone or participating in a sulky ‘Anti-Valentine’ and trying to have sex with someone to show how little you care about having sex with people.
It’s usually pretty easy to avoid, just stay in, but this year it’s on a Saturday. And there’s no reason why some dead guy (actually there were three St Valentines, and all of them were martyrs) should spoil a perfectly good night out.
So avoid any of this silliness and go to the utterly indifferent party put on by Mystic Brew at the lovely Smokestack club.
There will be the usual concoction of quality resident DJs from Asylum and Hang The DJ, there will be cheap drinks and this month entry is only £4 before 11 and £5 after. As usual they will be welcoming a high calibre guest, and in February your designated driver will be James Holroyd.
James is a proper legend. In 1992 he became one of the original residents at Back to Basics and a year later he joined forces with the Jockey Slut Magazine team to create the legendary night Bugged Out!
As in Bugged Out!, the guys who put on parties in places like Milan, Japan and Matter in London, and put out those quality mixes by guys like Simian Mobile Disco, Erol Alkan and Klaxons. He’s still a resident at Bugged Out! nights in Manchester.
A few years later Holroyd’s DJ style impressed Tom and Ed from the Chemical Brothers so much that he became their tour DJ. He’s played across the world in countries as diverse as Croatia, China, Malaysia and Australia.
On the 14th he will be in Leeds and he’ll be digging deep in his record box to play a set of disco, funk and rare house. Should be a good one.
Happy Chicken Sex Day everybody xxxx
New Year's Eve in Leeds
Wax:On & Metropolis - LUU
Bad Sneakers presents New Year’s Balls - The Faversham
Brighton Beach - Leeds Town Hall
I miss the good old days when the turning of the year would be marked by a Quality Street assortment of nutcases hollering about how the world was going to end. I loved seeing their little embarrassed faces on January 1st as they crawled sheepishly (can sheep crawl?) out of their bunkers into a world which still existed.
Remember the Millennium bug? It was supposed to cause a worldwide catastrophe, with planes dropping out of the sky, nuclear weapons firing of their own accord, and Jesus rising from the grave like a sort of Godzilla-King Kong-T Rex hybrid to wreak revenge on the world which spurned him.
In 2012 the crazies will have sufficiently got over their embarrassment to have another go at the whole ‘the end of the world is nigh’ thing. Some New Age guys (those bastions of good sense) have decided that 2012 will herald either a year of great spiritual transformation or, alternately, an apocalypse.
Now surely that’s something you need to be quite sure about. You can’t march around saying “Huzzah! A magical year of emotional transformation is upon us! In 2012 we shall transcend the physical limitations imposed on us by earthly attachments and become as one with the god-head! … or … we might all die.” Like the small print on a cosmic personal loan advert.
If anything is going to provoke an apocalypse in 2009 it is the film ‘Dead Man Running’. Starring Danny ‘fackin’ Dyer and 50 ‘the worst human ever’ Cent and financed in part by Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole, Dyer’s character has to get the Fiddster a hundred grand in 24 hours. The only chance it has is if it somehow flips over into that noble category ‘so bad it’s good’. It may be too early to tell, but I’ve got a feeling this film could be the one to perform the unprecedented ‘it’s so bad it’s good, but actually, it’s worse than that so it flips back into bad again’. The potential effects of this happening could be more catastrophic than if they had entrusted the safe running of the Large Hadron Collider to Lindsay Lohan.
A lot of people hate New Year’s Eve. It’s the whole ‘mandatory fun’ thing, the idea that everyone is here to have fun together and if you aren’t having fun in this particular place on this particular night then there must be something incurably wrong with you. If that rings a bell with you and you don’t want to get a reputation as a grumpy old git but you really can’t be arsed with the whole “ooh look, the date just changed” thing, you should peer pressure your less discerning friends into going to one of these events, where only a token gesture will be made towards the demise of 2008.
First up is the shindig taking place in our beloved (to an appropriate extent) Student’s Union. Last year Wax:On and Metropolis took over with the help of Annie Mac, Pendulum, Speakerjunk and a bunch of other reprobates then promptly broadcast most of the ensuing silliness on Radio 1. There’s no Radio 1 this year, but that’s probably a good thing. Like inviting your Mum to the losing of your virginity, the presence of the BBC was a bit off-putting, looking over your shoulder, saying things like “Ooh, is that what you young people are into now? We didn’t do it like that in my day” “Make sure you clean that up afterwards” and “Ah yes, your Dad and I used to like that one”. You banish them to the corner of the room, but you still know they’re there and you can never manage to fully lose yourself in the moment.
Anyways, Wax:On and Metropolis will each have a room in the union this NYE. Wax:On’s performing seals will be Erol Alkan, the Plump DJs, Leeds boy Paul Woolford and more. Metropolis have got, among others, Marky, Hype and Shy FX. That’s a pretty solid line up.
In the last year or two dubstep has risen from peculiar new sub-genre to heavyweight club filler. Both Wax:On and Metropolis have hopped eagerly onto this particular bandwagon and at New Year’s there will be a dubstep room (the flyers call it an arena but I think this probably pushing it a bit, bearing in mind that it’s probably going to be Mine). They’ve lined up the legendary (a nicer way of saying ‘a bit old’) Mary Anne Hobbs, Caspa, Hatcha, Youngsta and a few more DJs whose stage names all end with -a.
If you like your music direct from the source rather than relayed by a disinterested looking chap pressing play on a CD then you might want to consider welcoming in the year of natural fibres (I’m not kidding) at the Faversham where Bad Sneakers will be stepping up to offer forth their New Year’s Balls. They’ve got Pulled Apart By Horses, Dinosaur Pile Up, Wintermute and These Monsters playing live.
I’ve never heard of any of these bands before, and I doubt I’m the only one. HOWEVER! Bad Sneakers have an outstanding pedigree for picking out amazing acts just before they strike it big. In 2005 their New Year’s gig featured a slot from the Sunshine Underground. They’ve also put on ‘before they were massive’ shows by Klaxons, Hot Chip, Arctic Monkeys and more. It seems they are entirely to be trusted.
In Ecuador on New Year’s people wear yellow underwear and carry suitcases, in order to attract ‘positive energy’ and ensure that during the next year they will go on the journey of their dreams. In the Philippines they wear clothes with circular patterns to attract money and, peculiarly, they jump up and down to make them grow taller in the coming year. I suggest that you do all these things this December, and what better place to do them than in Leeds town hall?
Brighton Beach are holding the party there with DJs playing Indie, Britpop, 60s Soul, Motown and R'n'B (but not the shitty type with Usher). Also, in the basement of the building is a room which was a jail in olden times. This room will be lit with psychedelic oil wheels (I don’t know what these are) and 60s slide projections (hopefully there will be no slides of my grandparents holiday to Bournemouth or everyone might just kill themselves with boredom). Sounds kinda kooky.
Tickets are available from ticket shops. Here’s to an apocalypse-free 2009.
Bad Sneakers presents New Year’s Balls - The Faversham
Brighton Beach - Leeds Town Hall
I miss the good old days when the turning of the year would be marked by a Quality Street assortment of nutcases hollering about how the world was going to end. I loved seeing their little embarrassed faces on January 1st as they crawled sheepishly (can sheep crawl?) out of their bunkers into a world which still existed.
Remember the Millennium bug? It was supposed to cause a worldwide catastrophe, with planes dropping out of the sky, nuclear weapons firing of their own accord, and Jesus rising from the grave like a sort of Godzilla-King Kong-T Rex hybrid to wreak revenge on the world which spurned him.
In 2012 the crazies will have sufficiently got over their embarrassment to have another go at the whole ‘the end of the world is nigh’ thing. Some New Age guys (those bastions of good sense) have decided that 2012 will herald either a year of great spiritual transformation or, alternately, an apocalypse.
Now surely that’s something you need to be quite sure about. You can’t march around saying “Huzzah! A magical year of emotional transformation is upon us! In 2012 we shall transcend the physical limitations imposed on us by earthly attachments and become as one with the god-head! … or … we might all die.” Like the small print on a cosmic personal loan advert.
If anything is going to provoke an apocalypse in 2009 it is the film ‘Dead Man Running’. Starring Danny ‘fackin’ Dyer and 50 ‘the worst human ever’ Cent and financed in part by Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole, Dyer’s character has to get the Fiddster a hundred grand in 24 hours. The only chance it has is if it somehow flips over into that noble category ‘so bad it’s good’. It may be too early to tell, but I’ve got a feeling this film could be the one to perform the unprecedented ‘it’s so bad it’s good, but actually, it’s worse than that so it flips back into bad again’. The potential effects of this happening could be more catastrophic than if they had entrusted the safe running of the Large Hadron Collider to Lindsay Lohan.
A lot of people hate New Year’s Eve. It’s the whole ‘mandatory fun’ thing, the idea that everyone is here to have fun together and if you aren’t having fun in this particular place on this particular night then there must be something incurably wrong with you. If that rings a bell with you and you don’t want to get a reputation as a grumpy old git but you really can’t be arsed with the whole “ooh look, the date just changed” thing, you should peer pressure your less discerning friends into going to one of these events, where only a token gesture will be made towards the demise of 2008.
First up is the shindig taking place in our beloved (to an appropriate extent) Student’s Union. Last year Wax:On and Metropolis took over with the help of Annie Mac, Pendulum, Speakerjunk and a bunch of other reprobates then promptly broadcast most of the ensuing silliness on Radio 1. There’s no Radio 1 this year, but that’s probably a good thing. Like inviting your Mum to the losing of your virginity, the presence of the BBC was a bit off-putting, looking over your shoulder, saying things like “Ooh, is that what you young people are into now? We didn’t do it like that in my day” “Make sure you clean that up afterwards” and “Ah yes, your Dad and I used to like that one”. You banish them to the corner of the room, but you still know they’re there and you can never manage to fully lose yourself in the moment.
Anyways, Wax:On and Metropolis will each have a room in the union this NYE. Wax:On’s performing seals will be Erol Alkan, the Plump DJs, Leeds boy Paul Woolford and more. Metropolis have got, among others, Marky, Hype and Shy FX. That’s a pretty solid line up.
In the last year or two dubstep has risen from peculiar new sub-genre to heavyweight club filler. Both Wax:On and Metropolis have hopped eagerly onto this particular bandwagon and at New Year’s there will be a dubstep room (the flyers call it an arena but I think this probably pushing it a bit, bearing in mind that it’s probably going to be Mine). They’ve lined up the legendary (a nicer way of saying ‘a bit old’) Mary Anne Hobbs, Caspa, Hatcha, Youngsta and a few more DJs whose stage names all end with -a.
If you like your music direct from the source rather than relayed by a disinterested looking chap pressing play on a CD then you might want to consider welcoming in the year of natural fibres (I’m not kidding) at the Faversham where Bad Sneakers will be stepping up to offer forth their New Year’s Balls. They’ve got Pulled Apart By Horses, Dinosaur Pile Up, Wintermute and These Monsters playing live.
I’ve never heard of any of these bands before, and I doubt I’m the only one. HOWEVER! Bad Sneakers have an outstanding pedigree for picking out amazing acts just before they strike it big. In 2005 their New Year’s gig featured a slot from the Sunshine Underground. They’ve also put on ‘before they were massive’ shows by Klaxons, Hot Chip, Arctic Monkeys and more. It seems they are entirely to be trusted.
In Ecuador on New Year’s people wear yellow underwear and carry suitcases, in order to attract ‘positive energy’ and ensure that during the next year they will go on the journey of their dreams. In the Philippines they wear clothes with circular patterns to attract money and, peculiarly, they jump up and down to make them grow taller in the coming year. I suggest that you do all these things this December, and what better place to do them than in Leeds town hall?
Brighton Beach are holding the party there with DJs playing Indie, Britpop, 60s Soul, Motown and R'n'B (but not the shitty type with Usher). Also, in the basement of the building is a room which was a jail in olden times. This room will be lit with psychedelic oil wheels (I don’t know what these are) and 60s slide projections (hopefully there will be no slides of my grandparents holiday to Bournemouth or everyone might just kill themselves with boredom). Sounds kinda kooky.
Tickets are available from ticket shops. Here’s to an apocalypse-free 2009.
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