Bad Robot with Herve 15/10/08

"Fascinating creatures, looks like a lady but really it's a man. I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing."
- Alan Partridge

In Samoa they have three genders: male, female and fa’afafine. Fa’afafine are boys who are raised as girls from childhood, assuming traditionally feminine roles in society (caring for the elderly, the young and occasionally providing sexual encounters for the pubescent). Lady boys are boys who tired of being boys, sort of went for it but didn’t commit the whole way. Currently some of them are in Leeds challenging the curious to games of sexuality Russian roulette inside their big top of iniquity. It reminds me of the time my friend told me he “really fancies the girl from Hanson”.

Remember when they showed you how to make a Tracey Island on Blue Peter, for all the losers whose parents didn't love them enough to buy a real one? I have invented a thing, similar to the Blue Peter thing but more lady boy themed. It’s a fun little game you absolutely should try at home. Simply take a playmate of the opposite sex, find a full length mirror and strip off. The gentleman then positions himself behind the lady and pokes his man parts through her legs, creating a delightful optical illusion! It's every little girl's dream to one day be a lady boy, and now the dream can become reality! Take some photos! Set them as your facebook profile! What a way to take a loving relationship to 'the next level'!

Apparently Herve (Josh Harvey to his mother) is going out with Annie Mac. I know this because they were making out at Wax:On last new year's eve. That night he was there as half of Speakerjunk, playing with the geriatrically monikered demon of magnificence that is Trevor Loveys. At Bad Robot he was Herve, but he also produces as the Count (hit me on my beeper, beeper, beeper), Action Man, Dead Soul Brothers, Voodoo Chilli, Young Lovers and he's part of the fidget house Harlem Globetrotters known as Machines Don't Care.

So here’s a question: Why the hell isn’t Bad Robot rammed every week? Doesn’t anyone realise that it’s just the same as Wax:On, but a third of the price on the door and with £1.50 drinks? Seriously. £1.50. And yet Stylus was only half full (although at least five people were dressed in home made tin foil and cardboard robot costumes. Heroes). On the same night thousands of people crowded into the soulless cess pit of mediocrity that is Oceana to worship at the alter of the blandest most uninspired crud ever to masquerade as music. What the fuck? Anyway, Herve was predictably amazing, coming as no surprise to anyone who heard his recent Mixmag cover mount CD or the Essential Mix he did with Sinden, his chief co-conspirator and the headliner at an equally splendid Bad Robot a couple of weeks ago. The beats banged and the bass wobbled, as is their wont.

In conclusion, go to Bad Robot, it’s amazing. If you don’t they’ll probably shut down and you’ll only have yourselves to blame. And I will be sad.

God save the Queen.

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